Sage Advice So Often Scorned

At the entrance to Mr. Toad's Wild Ride, there is a set of stone reliefs showing characters from The Wind in the Willows. The inscription below Mr. Angus MacBadger reads: Offers Sage Advice So Often Scorned. It inspired me when I read it. So, to wrap up our three days in Disneyland, I've compiled a list of lessons, tips and tricks Thelma and I have learned. Some funny, some practical. All 100% true.

• Let Thelma do all of your you planning.
• What looks and acts like a drain in the bottom of your Grizzly River Run raft also turns into a water spout when you plunge into the water below the falls. If you happen to find that drain/spout positioned between your legs as I did, it might be a good idea to put your foot over it.
• Two days in a row is not enough to see everything. 
  
• Three days in a row is too much walking and too many crowds.
  
• Take a day off between day two and day three. Your feet will thank you. We wish we would have inserted another day at the beach.
  
• Enter as early as you can. The lines are short and crowds are thin.
  
• After entering early and walking down Main Street, turn left toward Adventureland. Most of the crowds go right to Tomorrowland or straight to Fantasyland. You'll find no lines for the jungle cruise and Pirates of the Carribean.
  
• If you don't want to go on a ride, just tell your kids how scary it is.
  
• If you do want to go on a scary ride, make your children go anyway. You paid. They didn't.
  
• Don't take your children if they are still in a stroller or incapable of walking for hours at a time. You may think you're being a great parent, but they won't remember and you'll spend more time fighting with the stroller, crowds and children than you will enjoying the park.
  
• If you plan to ride the train around the park, don't board at New Orleans Square. That's were the lines seem to be the longest.
  
• The best part of the train ride is from the Toontown depot (next to It's a Small World) to Main Street. You'll pass through the Grand Canyon as it stands now and as it might have looked in the time of dinosaurs.
  
• Get a reservation first if you plan to eat in Downtown Disney or Disneyland's sit-down restaurants. You can call up to 60 days in advance.
  
• Don't expect to eat well for cheap. If you want good food at cheaper prices, you'll need to drive offsite somewhere. (Thank you Edgar and Olivia for the El Pollo Loco recommendation.)
  
• Take a break and leave the park for lunch. If you're lucky enough to have a hotel nearby, it's nice to slip in a nap and/or swimming as well.
  
• Use a Fast Pass whenever possible and find something to do in the meantime. You'll avoid a lot standing in line.
  
• Don't go to Honey I Shrunk the Audience unless you enjoy mice scampering across your feet.
  
• The best time to visit California Adventure is the few hours before it closes each night. Most of the lines are short at Paradise Pier and you can walk right to the front. Our kids were even able to stay on the Orange Stinger for three consecutive rides.
  
• The coolness factor of Disneyland t-shirts, hats and lanyards is directly proportional to your proximity to Disneyland. Avoid the temptation.
  
• If you really need Disney souvenirs in order to feel good about yourself, go to the Wal-Mart on Euclid Street. It's a few exits north of Disneyland just off of I-5. 
  
• Bugs do have a tough life. Check out the 3-D show "It's Tough Being a Bug" and remind yourself how wonderfully clever and underated A Bug's Life is.
  
• California Adventure gets a bum rap. Don't sell it short. The rides are fun, the crowds are smaller and the attentions to detail are terrific.
  
• You can avoid a lot of long lines if you are willing to go as a single rider. There is usually a separate entrance.
  
• Midway Mania on the Paradis Pier is a lot of fun for kids and adults. It's a good candidate for single rider because the lines are never short and you don't interact with the person riding with you. They might as well not be there.
  
• The Mission Tortilla factory tour is really interesting and you get a free, just-out-of-the-oven corn tortilla.
  
• The Grizzly River Run is a great way to cool off on a hot day. Lot's of splashes and lots of fun. As the sign says, you will get wet, you may get soaked.
  
• If you still want the splashes but don't want to wait in a line, stand on the observation deck overlooking the lower falls. You'll still pick up some of the splashes.
  
• If you need a break but want to run the edge off of your kids, set them loose on the updated Tom Sawyer's Island or the Redwood Creek Challenge Trail.  You can sit at the entrance/exit and they can run wild and free.
• If you stay in a hotel near the park, get a pass for the Anaheim Resort Transit shuttle busses instead of parking. They'll drop you off as close to the park as the parking shuttles.
  
• If you find yourself at the far end of Downtown Disney (near ESPN or Rainforest Cafe), the monorail is a fast and fun way back into the park. It will drop you off in Tomorrowland.
  
• Skip the Indiana Jones ride unless you like being jerked around for a few minutes. It's more annoying than exciting. Think of it as an overgrown and less enjoyable version of Mr. Toad's Wild Ride.
• Go, have fun and don't worry about the cost once you've bought the tickets.  Thelma and I figured out that we ended up spending about $2.50 per ride/attraction when you divide the amount of money we paid for the tickets by the number of things we did.  That's still cheaper and much cleaner than the county fair.